With Michael Bay's latest film, "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen," the director has earned a doctorate degree in mindless devastation. Here, he wipes out sections of Shanghai, Paris and Egypt. Yes, Bay travels the globe to bring you the wide world of havoc.

If explosions were brains, Michael Bay would make Stephen Hawking look like a moron.

Alas, explosions are just loud, violent noises and Bay rates only as the dean of dumbbell destruction. Actually, with his latest film, "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen," the director has earned a doctorate degree in mindless devastation. Here, he wipes out sections of Shanghai, Paris and Egypt. Yes, Bay travels the globe to bring you the wide world of havoc.

That said, if you get a blast out of blasts, bombast and machismo run amok, this sequel to the 2007 hit should light your fuse. Simply put, there's enough testosterone coursing through this film's veins to transform Jessica Alba into Jesse Ventura.

Just don't expect any common sense. What you get instead is extended mayhem as the film lasts 2 1/2 hours. During this running time, you get more explosions, more destruction, more crass humor (look at the dogs humping), more babes, more bots and even dumber dialogue. "I am directly below the enemy's scrotum," says one of the characters.

The film should really be called "Transformers: Bigger, Longer, Unintelligent."

In case you missed the first movie and since both films are nearly the same in execution that isn't really necessary the good robots, called Autobots led by Optimus Prime (voice of Peter Cullen), fight the bad robots, called Decepticons led by Megatron (voice of Hugo Weaving). A human named Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) gets thrown into the battle as the unlikely savior accompanied by a sexy love interest, Mikaela (Megan Fox). Sam's parents, Ron (Kevin Dunn) and Judy (Julie White), provide comic relief as does John Turturro as Agent Simmons.

In this installment, another bad guy, called the Emperor -- excuse me, wrong movie -- the Fallen (voice of Tony Todd) enters the picture as the master of Darth Vader -- excuse me, Megatron -- and guess what the Fallen wants to do? No, he doesn't want to play Parcheesi. He wants to wipe out humankind. No, not that!

Another new character, Leo (Ramon Rodriguez) more than likely cast to draw in the Hispanic demographic supplies more comic fodder as Sam's freaked-out college roommate. For even additional humor, and I use the word very loosely, two of the robots speak jive. Yet more demographic targeting, though this kind of pandering comes off as more racist than ribald.

When we last left Megatron, he had been killed and dumped in the bottom of the ocean, but as viewers will soon discover, very few creatures, big and small, stay dead in "The Transformers." While the first film featured the powerful "All-Spark," this one involves "the Matrix of Leadership." Don't bother trying to understand any of this. In the first movie, the bad guys wanted the broken glasses of Sam's grandfather. In the sequel, they want Sam's brain. Incredibly, it took three screenwriters to pen this malarkey.

In the meantime, Sam has gone off to college, leaving Mikaela behind. We first see her stretched out on a motorcycle wearing short shorts. It's almost as if the film were exploiting her sexually. No, not that! To appeal to the female demographic, the film sets up the highly original, tension-packed question of whether Sam will tell Mikaela he loves her.

As you can see, Bay leaves no demographic base uncovered, and you wonder why the original made and the sequel will make more money than the gross national products of many countries. He also has no trouble getting jiggy with jingoism.

Once the bots start destroying cities, a government hack named Galloway (John Benjamin Hickey) suggests that the good bots go back to the galaxy from whence they came, figuring the bad bots will follow them. The military heroes from the first film, Capt. Lennox (Josh Duhamel) and Sgt. Epps (Tyrese Gibson), disagree. It's almost as if the film were making an anti-government, pro-military statement. No, not that!

As ridiculous as the first "Transformers" was -- don't forget, the movie is based on a toy -- the special effects were incredible and the action scenes powerful. To watch the bots transform from all manner of matter, specifically cars and trucks, into massive, metallic fighting machines was a hoot. However, watching the transformation over and over again loses some its appeal, especially during the course of 2 1/2 mind-numbing hours.

While the special effects remain dazzling, many of the bots look the same in battle so you don't know who's getting destroyed, so why should you care?

As for the acting, please. Apart from Turturro, who actually has talent, the best performance in "Revenge" is turned in by the bot Bumblebee, who displays more personality than any of the humans.

For viewers wondering why LaBoeuf is suddenly wearing a cast on his hand during the desert scenes, he injured it in an off-set car accident.

But why pay attention to such mundane matters? Instead, let's watch the bots destroy the scenery and each other while jets fire all kinds of high-tech weaponry at the bad guys. You may wonder why the soldiers keep firing bullets at the bots since that's about effective as swatting flies with floss. But hey, the gunfire looks cool, and that's all that counts here.

While this critic likes action films as much as much as the next filmgoer, this critic also prefers at least a modicum of intelligence be employed by the filmmaker. "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" serves up plenty of brawn and bangs. But just like a bomb, once it's exploded, it's just an empty shell.

"Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen." Starring Shia LaBoeuf and Megan Fox. Rated PG-13 (for intense sequences of sci-fi action violence, language, crude and sexual material and brief drug material), 150 minutes. Directed by Michael Bay